Luqman's wisdom (an article from www.iqrasense.com)

Wisdom provides us with the capacity to solve real life problems. So, acquiring wisdom becomes a must if we want to live meaningful lives. As we live through life and its experiences, it is vital that we reflect on such experiences to make our subsequent steps in life easier. As Immanuel Kant, a famous philosopher said that “Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.”

So, if wisdom enables a person to make more sound decisions, take a shortcut path to success, recalibrate values for the better, and simply live a better life, then why not spend time reflecting on our own experiences as well as learning from others? As Will Durant, a renowned philosopher and Pulitzer Prize winner stated, “A wise man can learn from another man’s experience; a fool cannot learn even from his own.”

The words of the Quran and teachings of our prophet Muhammad guide us to a wealth of wisdom and knowledge. In fact, Allah calls Quran the “Book of wisdom” in many places in the Quran. He says: “A.L.R. These are the ayats of the Book of wisdom.” (Yunus, Chapter #10, Verse #1). The Almighty also says: “We have sent it down as an Arabic Quran, in order that ye may learn wisdom.” (Yusuf, Chapter #12, Verse #2)

Quran emphasizes the importance of wisdom throughout its text. Allah sent prophets and messengers to propagate that wisdom. He says in one of such verses: “A similar (favor have ye already received) is that We have sent among you a Messenger of your own, rehearsing to you Our Signs, and sanctifying you, and instructing you in Scripture and wisdom, and in new knowledge.” (Al-Baqara, Chapter #2, Verse #151)

In its text, Quran also teaches wisdom through the words of a person named Luqman. Although not a prophet, Allah had granted him enormous wisdom. He was wise enough to have an entire chapter named after him. He was a pious person and according to the Quran was granted wisdom by Allah. As Allah says in the Quran: And indeed We bestowed upon Luqman Al Hikmah (wisdom and religious understanding, etc.) saying: “Give thanks to Allah,” and whoever gives thanks, he gives thanks for (the good of) his ownself. And whoever is unthankful, then verily, Allah is All Rich (Free of all wants), Worthy of all praise. (Luqman: 12)

In his book “Stories of the Prophet”, Ibn Katheer writes that Luqman’s real name was known as “Luqman Ibn ‘Anqa’ Ibn Sadun” or according to some “Luqman Ibn Tharan” who was from among the people of Aylah (Jerusalem) (Stated by As-Suhaili from Ibn Jarir and Al-Qutaibi). Some accounts describe him as an Ethiopian slave who worked as a carpenter. Because of his wisdom people went to him to settle their affairs and therefore he was also known to be a judge.

Although Quran makes no reference regarding him being as a prophet, it is narrated by some as described by Ibn Katheer in his book “Stories of the Prophet” that he was offered to become one. Ibn Katheer mentions, Sa’id said: I heard Qatadah as saying: It was said to Luqman: “How did you prefer wisdom to Prophethood when you were enabled to choose between them?” He said: “If Allah were to assign me with Prophethood, I would accept it and try hard to win His Pleasure, but He enabled me to choose. I feared of being too weak for Prophethood, so I chose wisdom.”

The following are the words of wisdom of Luqman as described in the Quran. Later, another section quotes his wisdom as narrated by other reliable narrators as mentioned by Ibn Katheer in his book “Stories of the Prophets”.




Luqman’s wisdom in the Quran

Luqman’s wisdom in the Quran is described in the context of him explaining it to his son. It is described in the Quran in the following verses.

• Regarding not to associate anyone in the worship and oneness of Allah –

And (remember) when Luqman said to his son when he was advising him: “O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zoolm (wrong) indeed. (Quran: Luqman: 13)

• Being dutiful to ones parents –

And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination. (Quran: Luqman: 14)

• Being dutiful to ones parents except where they tell you to deviate from the Right path –

But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do. (Quran: Luqman: 15)

• Every person is accountable for everything that he does –

“O my son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Verily, Allah is Subtle (in bringing out that grain), Well Aware (of its place). (Quran: Luqman: 16)

• Enjoining Prayers

“O my son! perform As Salat (prayers), enjoin (people) for Al-Maroof (Islamic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from AlMunkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allah, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever befalls you. Verily! These are some of the important commandments ordered by Allah with no exemption. (Quran: Luqman: 17)

• Do not be arrogant and proud

“And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not each arrogant boaster. (Quran: Luqman: 18)

• Be humble and lower your voice

“And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the voice (braying) of the donkey.” (Quran: Luqman: 19)

Other words of wisdom from Luqman (not narrated in the Quran) [ibn Katheer]

• Luqman on being granted respect and honor

Narrated Ibn Wahb: I was told by ‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Ayyash Al-Fityani after’ Umar, the freed slave of ‘Afrah as saying: “A man came to Luqman, the wise and asked: Are you Luqman? Are you the slave of so and so? He said: “Yes!” The man said: You are the black shepherd! Luqman said: As for my black color, it is obviously apparent, so what makes you so astonished? The man said: You became frequently visited by the people who pleasingly accept your judgments! Luqman said: 0 cousin! If you do what I am telling you, you will be like this. The man said: What is it? Luqman said: Lowering my gaze, watching my tongue, eating what is lawful, keeping my chastity, undertaking my promises, fulfilling my commitments, being hospitable to guests, respecting my neighbors, and discarding what does not concern me. All these made me the one you are looking at.”

Lowering of the gaze usually refers to not looking at men / women (other than your spouse) with a bad desire and to look at them only for valid reasons as prescribed in the religion. Refer to Islam-qa.com for detailed explanation on this topic.

• Luqman on the value of Wisdom

Narrated Damurah after As-Sariy Ibn Yahia as saying: Luqman said to his son: “O my son! Verily, wisdom has brought the indigent to the courts of kings. ”

• Luqman on propagating wisdom to others and to take it seriously when given by others

I was told by my father after ‘Amr Ibn ‘Uthman after Damurah Ibn Hafs Ibn ‘Umar as saying: “Luqman placed a bag of mustards beside him and started to advise his son, giving him with every piece of advice a mustard till it all ran out. He said: O my son! I gave you advice that if a mountain was given, it would split………”

• Luqman on the need to have a pleasing tongue and sound heart

Yazid Ibn Hamn and Waki’ told us after Abul AShhab after Khalid Ar-Rab’i as saying: “Luqman was an Ethiopian slave who worked as a carpenter. One day, his master ordered him to slaughter a goat and bring him the most pleasant and delicious two parts thereof. Luqman did so and brought him the tongue and heart. The master asked: Did not you find anything more pleasant than these? Luqman said: No! After a while, the master ordered him to slaughter a goat and to throw the most malignant two parts thereof. Luqman slaughtered the goat and threw the tongue and heart. The master exclaimed and said: I ordered you to bring me the most delicious parts thereof and you brought me the tongue and heart, and I ordered you to throwaway the most malignant parts thereof and you threw the tongue and heart, how can this be? Luqman said: Nothing can be more pleasing than these if they were good, and nothing can be more malicious than these if they were malignant.”

• Luqman on “Speech is silver and silence is golden”

Luqman said to his son: “O my son! I have never regretted because of keeping silent. If words are silver, silence is golden.”

• Luqman on the need to have kindness, mercy and love for others

Abu Mu’awiyah told us after Hisham Ibn ‘Urwah after his father as saying: “Wisdom dictates: O my son: Let your speech be good and your face be smiling, you will be more loved by the people than those who give them provisions.” And, he said: “It is stated in the wisdom -or the Torah - : “Kindness is the head of wisdom.” And, he said: “It is stated in the Torah: “As you show mercy (to others), mercy will be shown to you.”

• Luqman on giving

And, he said: “It is stated in the wisdom: “You will gain what you give (or, harvest what you grow).”

• Luqman on friendships

And, he said: “It is stated in the wisdom: “Love your friend and the friend of your father.”

• Luqman on patience, knowledge, and goodness

`Abdur Razzaq told us after Mu’amir after Ayyub after Abu Qulabah as saying: Luqman was once asked: Who is the best one in terms of patience? He said: It is the one who practices no harm after observing patience. Those who asked him said: Who is the best one in terms of knowledge? He said: It is he who adds to his own knowledge through the knowledge of others. They asked: Who is the best from among the whole people? He said: It is the wealthy. They said: Is it the one who has properties and riches? He said: No! But, it is the one if whose good was sought, he would not hold it back or prevent it. And, it is the one who does not need anything from others.

• Luqman on the need to keep good company and to consult scholars

‘Abdullah Ibn Ahmed said: I was told by Al-¬Hakam Ibn Abu Zuhair Ibn Musa after Al-Faraj Ibn Fudalah after Abu Sa’id as saying: Luqman said to his son: “O my son! Let only the pious men eat your food, and consult the scholars over your affairs.”

Finally, wisdom in matters is one of the blessings that Allah grants to His creation. The Almighty says in the Quran: “He grants Hikmah to whom He pleases, and he, to whom Hikmah is granted, is indeed granted abundant good. But none remember (will receive admonition) except men of understanding.” (Quran: Al-Baqara: 269)

Note: Hikmah here refers to “Wisdom”

Managing the pain and pleasure of relationship (an article from www.iqrasense.com)

Relationships are the lifeblood of our journey through this world. Good relationships not only can help us navigate through the challenges of this life more easily but they can be fulfilling and as well invigorating. Bad relationships on the other hand can put one’s life dead in its track. Ask a divorced person who has left a married life – or a person who ended up changing his work due to bad relationships – or ask family members devastated and shattered due to family squabbles. They will all attest to the powerful impact of bad relationships in changing the course of one’s life, while leaving them debilitated in the process.

It’s a no-brainer that good relationships provide the energy that blooms our lives. Building and maintaining good relationships is an art as well as a science, the underlying principles of which come together in a mesmerizing way to make it one of the most important subjects for the human species. Whether realized earlier in life or later through heat of experience, one eventually comes to grips with the fact that the principles of relationships must be learned – and when mastered effectively, enables one to use good judgment, to become more empathetic, become more sensitive to human emotions, better understand personalities, and so much more. All of a sudden, life changes – feels less complicated, more fulfilling, and more controlled.

But one wonders why we humans have made such a promising pursuit of building and maintaining superb relationships not only very complex, convoluted and confusing but many of us fail miserably even at the very basics. Even more baffling is that many of us Muslims fail to follow the ready made recipes that Islam provides us along with the living example of the Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), who among many other things was a master of human relationships. No wonder that books on relationships sell more than any other specific topic.

So, a review of the basics is in order –

Relationships can be painful

No one would argue that being in relationships has the potential to cause enormous mental pain and agony. Whether it’s a spouse verbally assaulting the spouse, a child defying parents and family values, friends violating a trust, or a supervisor putting an employee down, these relationship potholes can wreck souls, can cause us to get a heavy heart and a burdened mind, makes us cry, leaves us frustrated and indifferent and at times leaves us wondering about the value of such relationships in the first place. What’s worse is that when we continue to live in such relationships, we rob our lives of the energy and enthusiasm that could have shaped our lives so much differently than what it ultimately becomes.

The “blame game” rules such relationships. One’s ego is the master. People’s self worth is trampled. Others are at fault. Justice is not present. Life does not seem “fair”. One feels victimized. Insensitivity to feelings rules and the emotional roller coaster seems endless.

Such relationships are in need of serious repair.

Relationships can be pleasing and fulfilling

On the flip side, healthy relationships can be so much rewarding. Ask a parent about how proud they feel to have raised good and respectful children. Ask a husband or wife about the respect they get from each other. Ask fast friends about the trust they have for each other. Ask strong business partners about the respect they have for each other and so on. Love, trust, and respect uplift our souls, make our lives more fulfilling and meaningful, and make us thankful for our relationships.
Such relationships need not just be cherished but more importantly they need to be maintained.

Relationships must be actively managed (build, maintain, and if necessary repair)

So, how do we manage the pain and pleasure associated with such relationships? It’s actually quite simple – in theory at least. You manage a relationship by actively working on it and by constantly renewing it. If you are even a moderately practicing Muslim, you know how that works. You know that relationship with your Creator is the most important one. Even in those cases, the relationship must be renewed.

Consider the saying of the Prophet (SAWS) who said, “Faith wears out in your heart as clothes wear out, so ask Allah to renew the faith in your hearts.” (narrated by al-Haakim in his Mustadrak and al-Tabaraani in his Mu’jam with a saheeh isnaad).

So, again – you manage relationships by actively working on them. And that means that if you are having challenges with your relationships, you should step out of your “default mode” in how you deal with relationships.

You see, most of us manage relationships in a “default mode”. That’s the mode that we learn and develop subconsciously while growing up. The default mode is the way we are mentally wired to deal with people and relationships in general. The better our relationships were managed at home while growing up, the better our default mode would be and the better we would be to build and maintain good relationships with others, our spouses, and other acquaintances. Growing up while observing families in lousy relationships makes ones default mode develop in the same manner – something that other people can’t live with – unless of course one takes concrete steps to change those learned behaviors. For example, did you know that research has established that most criminals come from broken homes, where they were abused as children while growing up? Although this scary fact applies to only a small fraction of people, it serves to illustrate the point that when unchecked, bad relationships can lead to devastating consequences.

Shifting out of your default mode of dealing with relationships is about a change in attitude toward other people – it’s about a change that others can notice – it’s about expressing your appreciation, and doing things for others. For some of us it’s easy and for some it’s not.

Ideally, one should start learning from early childhood the basics of building and maintaining good relationships. No wonder that a number of schools now have adopted curriculum that teaches building good relationship skills right from pre-school years. In parallel, parents should strive to maintain a healthy social environment at home as well. Although no formal research done on this topic, many observations attest to the fact that unfortunately in most Muslim countries, the awareness for such education is far less than what exists in western societies. That is very unfortunate as the life of the prophet (SAWS) is exemplary in how well he treated people, families, children and encouraged parents to treat children.

Once children are raised in homes where they are taught to respect and manage relationships, it in turn helps them to grow up to be strong individuals as they become adept at building and maintaining very strong relationships with people in all walks of life. Doing so becomes a second nature and helps the person in relationships with family, friends and work. The “default mode” of such people thus turns out to be quite healthy.

Have you ever wondered about what your default mode is in dealing with people? Do your loved ones cherish your behavior or do they run from your verbal assaults? Reflect on this hadith: ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr bin Al-’As, may Allah be pleased with them, said: A person asked Allah’s Messenger (may peace and blessings be upon him) who among Muslims was better. Upon this (the Holy Prophet) remarked: One from whose hand and tongue Muslims are safe.

So, assess your default mode of dealing with people, families and friends – if you don’t like it and if you believe that your loved ones don’t like it too, may be it’s time to consider making some changes – starting today – starting now!

Once you start making the change, you will notice that it is not rocket science. In fact, most of you exercise those skills in business settings regularly. For example, what will you do to maintain a good business relationship that is very vital for your business and income? More commonly it involves some of the following:

• Being empathetic to your client needs – listening with an open mind and heart
• Being very serious and sincere to eliminate any misunderstandings
• Going of your way to be appreciative of the relationship that you have with them
• Going out of your way to be apologetic
• Always keeping a pleasing and charming attitude
• and so on…

Many of us in our business and professional dealings do the above constantly. The sense of purpose in the need to keep our business going and flourishing, makes us not only do the above but makes many of us come up with the most creative and innovative ways to keep our business partners happy. It’s a no-brainer. It’s common sense.

But not very surprisingly, the same “brain” and “sense” starts to malfunction when it comes to personal relationships within our families. That’s where something gets lost in the process. So, it’s not that we do not know how to manage relationships – we just prioritize things differently and we don’t make the right connections in our minds.

Prioritize your relationships

Do you know anyone who spends more time strengthening relationships with their friends and business partners than their own families? Does that make sense? Let’s face it – certain relationships are more important than others and therefore deserve more time and effort than others. For example, it just would not make sense for you to hold your friends in high respect while you mistreat your parents. You can’t abandon your own children and be helping other children. Charity always begins at home.

Even in Islam that teaches respect, love, patience and understanding as the cornerstone of all relationships, certain relationships are given more priority over others. There are numerous accounts in the Quran and Hadith about the importance given to certain relations. For example, in a well-known hadith, Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “A man came to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, who among the people is most deserving of my good companionship?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ The man asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your father.’”

It is also reported, on the authority of Ayesha (R.A.) and Ibn Umar (R.A.) that the messenger of Allah, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said “The Angel Jibra’il (A.S.) counseled me so frequently regarding the rights of the neighbor that I feared, he too would be declared an heir.”

Just because you are “around” your family members more, doesn’t mean that you spend the least amount of time nurturing those relationships.

Allah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight” [Surah Muhammad 47:22]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “No one who severs the ties of kinship will enter Paradise.” Narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh.

Relationships can be repaired

Look around you and you won’t have to look far to see a broken home, or a community at odds with itself. Everyone probably knows someone (if not within our own circles) who walks angry at someone, hurt by someone, frustrated with someone, irritated by others, and sick of life in general.

Such relationships that involve people holding grudges against others, accompanied by emotional roller coasters, verbal assaults and emotional outbursts obviously involve a lot of pain and thus need an active reparation process.

More often than not, spousal relationship topics top all other form of relationships that need repair. So, it needs specific mention. How would you classify your relationship with your spouse? Is it bad or routine at best? Once relationships become routine, spouses in a troubled relationship are less forgiving, amplify mistakes, and throw verbal assaults more than they are cheerful to each other. What one spouse does for the other as part of a routine activity of running household errands, working to make a living, raising children, etc. is taken for granted. For example, “appreciation” does not cross the wife’s mind for her husband working hard to make a living and the husband does not see anything extraordinary in the mother keeping the house on track and raising children.

As the focus in such “boring-to-get-worse-soon” relationships shifts from the good to the bad and even more to the ugly, there is a need to break that thinking pattern and to start focusing on the “good”. With time, the tendency is to start ignoring the qualities and instead to focus on the negatives. The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “No believing man should hate a believing woman: if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will like another.” (Reported by Muslim, 36). The prophet (SAWS) also said as narrated by Abu Hurairah: “He who does not thank people, does not thank Allah”. (Ahmad, Tirmidhi)

So, sprinkle a few words of understanding and appreciation in the routine or not so routine relationships and you will see your relationships improve, hearts clamed and souls less jittery. You just can’t repair a relationship without these basics – else, you either get a boring relationship or could be headed for more trouble.

Relationships are defined by a person’s character and mental strength

A person’s strength in many ways is a reflection of the strength of his or her relationships. A person who is weak succumbs to unbridled emotions, uncontrolled anger and erratic thought processes. These in turn are a perfect recipe for poisoning relationships. Contrary to some misunderstood cultural beliefs, uncontrolled anger and emotional outbursts show a person’s weakness rather than his “manly” attributes. Such a character stems from a person’s upbringing that lacked focus on Islamic values. The truth as Islam teaches us is that a strong person manages his emotions and directs them appropriately to build and manage relationships rather than using them to damage relationships.

To get a glimpse of how anger should be handled, we need to study the life of the prophet. When we study the prophet’s behavior and the behavior of his companions, we will likely understand that verbal assaults are NOT the way to manage anger. But obviously, when we are weak, we succumb to the whims and desires of the untrained mind and in the process unleash such behavior. Abu Hurairah narrated that Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) said: ” The strong man is not the one who is strong in wrestling, but the one who controls himself in anger ” (Bukhari, Muslim).

The ultimate relationships is the one with our Creator

Finally, let’s not forget that the ultimate relationship that any one of us can have is that with our Creator. Establishing such relationship is the cornerstone of an Islamic faith. Such a relationship also helps fills the gap left out by the anxieties, loneliness, depressions and other emotional roller coasters that one goes through in life.

In a Hadith the Prophet (PBUH) said that Allah said: “..my servant does not come closer to Me with anything more dear to Me than that which I made obligatory upon him. My servant keeps coming closer to Me with more volunteer deeds, until I love him. When I love him, I become His ear by which he hears, his eyes by which he sees, his hand by which he holds and his foot by which he walks. If he asks Me any thing I shall give him. If he seeks My protection I shall grant him My protection… “(Al-Bukhari 6021)

Use good old common sense

Before closing, we all need to remind ourselves that building and managing healthy relationships and avoiding the potholes of bad relationships involves the use of basic common sense. Stepping away from the heat of the moment – correcting others respectfully without destroying their self worth – disassociating oneself from negative emotions – reflecting on the cause and effect behavior that shapes good and bad relationships, and other such basics can bring about clarity and a change in our attitudes. It can help us break the pattern that we can get repeatedly pulled into. Remember, what Einstein said – “The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. If your relationships are bad then change how you are contributing to those relationships. You will be surprised to see how things change.

If we think and reflect, we will begin to get the answers to the common day to day problems that many of us face in our daily lives. We will learn that in close relationships, sometimes love and respect need to supersede the desire to prove oneself right and the other wrong. Some more thinking and reflection will lead us to the fact that a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law relationship can rarely be strong if the man in the middle does not have a good relationship with both. We will learn that children ought to be taught the essentials of relationships early on in their life – something that an Islamic education will teach more than their secular education at school or elsewhere. Thinking and reflection will make it dawn on us that love and respect in most cases needs to be earned by one’s own behavior and not demanded and forced. And the list can go on…

Parting remarks

Finally, if you think these tips apply to others and not to your situation – think again. The foundation of most of these insights was taught by our Prophet SAWS and he came with practical guidelines for the entire humanity at large. That is where we may need to become strong and change our attitudes.

healthier, heavier and happier babies...

I remembered watching a formula milk’s commercial with a ‘mat salleh’ baby looking really content drinking from his bottle and dozing off easily in his mother’s arms. It is an ideal picture of a perfect relationship between a mother and her baby. Or at least what I thought was. I was the youngest of three girls…and the fact that my mother did not breastfeed me for long did not bother me much. After all, she is a working mother…and when my parents are home, they compensate pretty much all of my hunger for affection and attention.

Then, in the year 1992…a day after my father’s birthday, his wish of having a son came true. I was really excited too. That was the first time I remembered seeing a mother breastfeeding her baby. Of course I have seen it before but before it had no impact on me. My mother was lucky enough that the hospital (PMC) had a program to promote breastfeeding to mothers. She started off expressing her milk manually in a bottle and store it in the fridge so when she was at work, our “bibik” (an Indonesian helper) can feed my brother with the expressed breast milk. Then when she is back from work, she will make a point to breastfeed him exclusively. This was the practice even after 4 years have passed. As a result, my brother never fell sick, grows really fat and was really annoyingly emotionally attached to my mother.

That was it! That was the moment I vowed to breastfeed all my children equally so they are all equally healthy, heavy and happy. It was only natural to do what women all over the globe have been doing centuries earlier. I mean God certainly did not create bosoms for nothing, right? The way I see it, my uncomfortable experience of growing breasts during puberty does not seem right if the only purpose of breasts are as an accessory to beautify women-kind.

"Is she hungry already?”. The second my baby came out of me she was already screaming her lungs out for milk. I started having doubts about my decision to breastfeed. I did recall being all excited about breastfeeding just a couple of months earlier during an antenatal class I attended. The midwife at the antenatal class asked all the participants if they were planning on to breastfeed their babies and how long would they think they will go on breastfeeding them. One by one the pregnant mothers gave their answers without mentioning any plans to prolong their breastfeeding...and then there was me, who have not given any answer. Everyone turned to look at me and I bet they sure want to hear what I have got to say since the midwife have singled me out as the best participator being the only person having to study a dozen of books on everything-to-know-about making babies, having babies and caring for babies. I smiled. The answer was easy. “I will breastfeed my baby exclusively for a year and introduce solids when she is ready but will still breastfeed her as long as it takes; and exclusive meaning not even giving my baby water because that would mean she will be drinking my milk less,”

Easier said than done. It puzzled me when everything I expected to be natural doesn’t feel as natural as it should. I was struggling to latch her on breast properly and then it took quite sometime for my baby to be happy because she was burping and dozing off between meals. I was trying to imagine being at home, doing just that for the whole day until my baby is old enough to be feeding herself. I mean I certainly can not just do that because there are other things to do in my life.

My husband could have not come at a better time to intervene in my cloudiness of thoughts. He came to me with news of his frustration because of the fact that I have given the permission to the nurse to bottle-feed my baby after the tiring baby-delivery. Then, it had hit me hard on how selfish I was. The baby needs me more than just as a milk dispenser. She needs it to survive this world…emotionally, physically and spiritually. God have given me a way to bond with my child and I am giving it away to some nurse because I was tired? How selfish was I?

My husband was a hero disguised in a kain pelikat and a pagoda shirt. If it has not been for him, I would have quit breastfeeding on numerous occasions. That is also why a husband’s support is one of the biggest factors to successfully breastfeeding a child. He is always there to remind me the significance of breastfeeding and shows his best support and care on the matter.

Nurjenna…was my ‘light in heaven’ and I was happy that I kept my promise to breastfeed her exclusively. I did that for a year before she was weaned on her first birthday. When she was 19 months, I introduced her formula milk because I was in the hospital again delivering another baby (that also meant that I have been breastfeeding her throughout my pregnancy). Nurjenna has eczema just as my husband and I did. Thank God because of breastfeeding, her condition was not severe.We are at our happiest together especially during her breastfeeding. Even after having a younger baby brother taking over her place in my arms and on my breasts, Nurjenna still remains a happy child. Of course she did bite her baby brother’s cheeks and pulled his legs until he fell from the bed to the mattress on the floor…but that is just because she didn’t know any better.

Muhammad, my prince in shining armour…was already a professional breast feeder only after a minutes coming out from my womb. And he always drinks until the last drop. Tak membazir. He was so big; the doctor scanned his stomach thinking that there was something wrong with it. As it figures, his stomach was full of milk. Then, later they scanned his head because it was so gigantic. Again, there is nothing wrong with him. He was wearing clothes the size of a 6-months-old baby when confinement period was over and was weighing 10 kilos at the age of 6 months. Breastfeeding him was a breeze except for the fact that my whole body aches from holding him too long.

So I am happy to say how breastfeeding have changed my life in the most uplifting way because my children and I definitely share a bond like no other…not even like what I have with my own mother. Of course it was not easy…and I have to make a lot of sacrifices. But definitely it gave me a new fresh perspective to life…and a sense of purpose.